I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
