Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
this hospital has no fireball
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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