Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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