I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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