If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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