I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
