nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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