this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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