And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
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I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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