Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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