it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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