Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
