I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
