the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
