when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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