I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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