She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
