no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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