Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
