She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i think i just lost a toe
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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