I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
