Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
