its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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