But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
