Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
