This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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