Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
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Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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