I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
