So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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