Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
