her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
