he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
