i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
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fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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