it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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