Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
