I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
