i was born a porn star she said
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
