history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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