she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
