I can tuck mytits in my pants
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
