there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
