You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
