i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
