I heard we made out
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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