when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
