I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
