Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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