I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
