Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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