grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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