My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
