i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
