She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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