I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
