When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
