my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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