I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
