So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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