I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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