Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
