Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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