i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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