i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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