Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
