Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
tell me about the fingering
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