We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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