moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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