just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
