So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
