You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
a search helicopter?!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
