I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
im on a boat
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