Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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