how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
