My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
