its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
