she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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