i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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